The Greatest Loss Of All
When a parent loses a spouse, there is upheaval in the family. There is grief on losing a parent and then to add to it, you have to give solace to the parent who is left behind to cope with the loss of her lifelong companion. This is one of the toughest times in life and the impact of this is felt on the entire family.
This grieving period needs the support of the whole family, the spouse and the children included. The grief that grips one with the loss of a father is difficult to express and to condole the mother is yet another aspect. You need to be strong and bold to take charge of the situation, for which the support of your spouse and children will be of utmost importance.
If the parent passed away after a prolonged illness then it is a relief to everyone more so to the ailing and suffering person. The funeral procedures and the minister’s sermon offer spiritual support. At a time like this the neighbors, friends and other relatives are a big help. Strong religious faith and belief in after life, helps one tide over this crucial phase.
After the father has passed away, the widowed mother needs a lot of support, however it is up to you to decide on the level of comfort to offer. Many times the deep grief and shock at the loss of the dear one is not expressed at the funeral or even days after. The community around helps to bring comfort to the grieving family for a short while.
The worst phase in settling down is when the rounds of the sympathizers and the movement of helpers starts diminishing. Suddenly grief sets in, with the quiet around.
A change of place would be very apt at this time and bringing your grieving parent home for a couple of weeks would be the best help and comfort you can offer during this transition period.
The worst affected with the loss in the family is the spouse, who is left alone to take on the responsibility of managing the home. The sentimental moments during meals are especially painful and if this void can be erased with your presence and warmth, the lonely parent would start healing slowly, and try to get into her normal routine as soon as possible. Accepting the final truth, of the loss of the spouse and picking up the threads of life would become much easier if you and your family are understanding and help in rehabilitating the old parent.
As the old parent adjusts to the lonely lifestyle and gets used to this new and sad state of affairs, it would be noble if you as a caregiver will give quality time with more frequent visits. This would be encouraging to the old parent and she would look forward to your visit which would be healing. After a couple of months, when the old parent settles down comfortably into this scenario, you would have gracefully helped through the transition period.
If at the funeral the parent puts up a brave front and shows no distress, this does not mean she will not break down at a later stage when the truth dawns on her. However, comforting words will be a help, but your valued presence is of utmost importance. A hug, settling the home, doing the dishes, pouring some wine will be most comforting to the old lady.
At the funeral the minister talks about the departed soul in a deep and touching manner. These words stay with you to remind you of the parent for what he was. The memory of the last rites is there to stay with you forever. The pain and sadness will gradually subside and life will take a gradual turn to better things. This is the time to pull out the old albums, and go through those happy childhood moments in the company of the then young parents.
Going back down memory lane and enjoying those lively moments with the then young family, are treasured moments of joy, always to be remembered. This is the foundation to building a bond between you and the old surviving parent. Answers to the challenges will fall in place when the bonding and harmony of this new relationship starts. A clear picture of care giving will start emerging. The new challenge will be now easier to take on with better understanding by both concerned.
