The Stress Of Caring For The Elderly
Very often, it kind of sneaks upon you and before you know it, you’re stressed out because you’ve just grown into becoming a caregiver for someone older without being prepared for it. It could be your Mum or your Dad, it could be an older relative. Even if it is someone you love, it is a duty that brings stress along with it, whether you like it or not.
The problem is that as primary caregiver, you will need to handle all of the person’s financial work as well. Now this could also cause friction because very often, the person being cared for refuses to accept that he is bad health wise. Even if he does, he tends to be irascible and demanding and without realizing it, he starts giving the orders and to keep the peace, the primary caregiver starts to obey. However, as deterioration sets in and the senior becomes more and more dependent on the caregiver, it is but natural that the caregiver starts giving the orders and the senior has to obey. Now this is a far cry from when you were young and your parents gave the orders. This change is tough and very hard to come to terms with.
However, this isn’t the only area that gives rise to stress. The stress also comes from within you as you wonder whether you are doing your best while chafing at your lot at being in this situation. You want to give your best to your parents but these may be unreasonable standards so that you always feel you are compromising. So you might want to be around them the whole day but we all know that something like this is totally unrealistic. Everyone has their own share of other responsibilities as well so this too will have to fit into that scheme of things.
The other area of stress is usually siblings. When you are the primary caregiver, it is very easy for others to find fault and to expect you to do more. This usually brings resentment in its wake especially if you are trying hard to do your very best.
The thing is to be prepared. As soon as you see the mantle of caregiver being put on your shoulders, whether reluctantly or otherwise, just expect the stress. If you think you can cope and cope beautifully, you are in for a huge disappointment. You need to be realistic about what is in store. Stress as a rule is bad for anyone but when you expect it, you can usually cope with it. Unexpected stress is overwhelming and this is not good for your mental or physical health.
If you aren’t the caregiver and another sibling is, don’t give advice, just be supportive. You have to be the one to take the stress off, not pile it on. In fact, you should see how you can relieve that sibling’s burden and give him some reprieve. If you do have to make suggestions, do it gently, without nagging. With so much stress, your adding to it could be the proverbial last straw on the camel’s back. Tell them how appreciative you are instead of criticizing.
If you are the caregiver, you owe it to yourself to look after yourself as well and not to neglect your health or well being. This is the only way that a care giver’s job can be made easier to cope with and you will become a better caregiver in the process.
